Here he is on his 3rd month b-day (October 28, 2009):
Second, I wanted to share my back to work blues. I went back to work the last week of October. I had been dreading this day since the day I found out I was pregnant and sure enough it came too fast. I don't think anyone who hasn't been through it can truly understand how hard that first day is. Leaving Connor with someone else even for a few minutes is hard, let alone a full 8 hours (or more). I had been looking at daycare since I was 6 months pregnant and I finally chose one. La Petite Academy is about 2 minutes from our house and it was the only place that gave me a nice warm feeling when I went to visit. I figured my gut feeling was the only thing I had to go by since I have no prior experience in this area. I basically stopped sleeping the Saturday before his first day. I kept making lists in my mind of everything I needed to get ready. I would stress over how the day would go, would he cooperate with a schedule (something he isn't a big fan of sticking to), would he miss me, and more importantly would he remember me when I picked him up.
The drop off that first morning went somewhat smoothly. I was only 30 minutes late to work, which I thought was quite an accomplishment. However, the drop off was the only thing that went smooth. I got to work around 9:30, chatted with the girls for a few minutes and then went to lock myself in an office to pump (so far 0 minutes of actually work had been done). It wasn't until I broke out the contraption that I realized I forgot the all important containers that screw into the bottom of the pump to catch the milk. How could I have been completely prepared for 2 days with all Connor's stuff and completely forget what I needed. I immediately informed my boss that I had to leave (yes, still exactly 0 minutes of actual work). I ran to Target because we all know they carry EVERYTHING. However, on my way to Target another bump in the road...the first call from daycare. When I saw that number on my phone, I almost had a heart attack. My little angel had only been there 90 minutes and already a phone call?! The director was on the other end asking me if my son had ever taken a bottle before. I informed her that he has taken a bottle almost every night since he was 4 weeks old. She said that he simply refused to eat. The teacher had been trying for 20 minutes and he wouldn't take a drop of it. They told me not to worry just yet, they would keep trying and call me back in about 15 minutes. Needless to say 30 minutes later, another call. This one to tell me he finally started to eat. I could breathe a sigh of relief and continue shopping (still no working happening). I finally got back to work around 10:45am (completely engorged already) and ran to start to pump. 30 minutes later (still 0 minutes of actual work), I finally sat at my desk. Then, the tears started. I guess I had been so busy for the morning that it hadn't sunk in. I missed Connor so much. I wondered what he was doing, if he was ok, if someone was playing with him or picking him up when he was crying. I just cant describe how it felt, but it was a very yucky feeling. I just wanted to leave. I actually worked for a total of 2 hours that day and let me tell you it was the LONGEST 2 hours ever. When I picked him up he was just fine and clearly not as traumatized as I was.
I am happy to report that things have gotten easier. I don't cry when I drop him off anymore, so we are making progress. He seems to like Ms. Marie (his teacher) and smiles at her in the mornings, which makes me feel better. We also have already braved one cold and a slew of nebulizer treatments since it only took Connor 3 days at daycare to catch a bug. I still have yet to work a full day though (and we are on week 4 of being back to work now). I just cant seem to get through that 4 o'clock hour yet. It's like the cravings that people get for chocolate/sugar in the late afternoon, except I crave to see my baby again. Luckily, I have an AMAZING boss who not only has never once asked why I am late some days and leave early on others, but who now lets me work from home on Fridays. It is amazing what that extra day with Connor does. It makes me so happy to be able to have one extra full day with him besides Saturday and Sunday. I am sure each month will get easier until I hit the lottery and can finally stay home with him all the time!
Connor on his first day of school (October 26, 2009):
